Insignificant Read online

wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the absolute truth either. I didn’t want to ask him because he was a good four feet taller than me. I hadn’t grown since I reached eight feet, and I had a feeling I’d already reached my maximum height. It depressed me to think about it, so I found myself working out even harder, as if the size of my muscles would compensate for my short height.

  “Are you okay, big bro?” Raffe had recently started calling me that. I didn’t know why, but I enjoyed the gentle reminder that I’d always be his big brother no matter what.

  “I just miss you, Squirt. Hurry up and come on home before you get so tall I don’t recognize you.”

  “Like I’ll ever let you forget, but I’ll see you soon, big bro!”

  Like I had said while on the phone with Raffe, working out by myself sucked. I hadn’t had a decent workout since Raffe went to camp, and on the day he was coming home, I had to force myself to relax, so I was in my room reading comic books; the hero had just escaped the deathtrap made by the villain when I heard Raffe’s voice. “Gir! I’m home!”

  “I’m up in my room, Squirt! Come on in!” I said, putting away my comic as Raffe opened the door. When I looked at him, I noticed there was something different, but it wasn’t until I stood up to hug him that I knew what it was. “You’re taller,” I said, standing there in surprise.

  Raffe grinned sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, it happened about a week after I got to camp.”

  “You’re a foot taller than me.” I could believe the towering sight before me; I was eye level to where his neck joined his shoulders.

  Raffe looked crestfallen, not expecting my reaction to his growth spurt. His arms, which were lifted for a hug that never came, now hung limply at his sides. “Yeah.”

  I went over to hug Raffe then, feeling bad for acting like I did. It wasn't his fault I was sensitive about my height. “I’m sorry, Raffe. It just caught me by surprise. I was in shock, that’s all.”

  Raffe wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing me against his now larger body. “We’re still going to work out together, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, and I might even get stuff from the ground for you,” I said as we released each other.

  Raffe smirked at me, playfully punching my arm. “Thanks, big bro.”

  It felt oddly nice to hear him call me that. Some things about him would never change, one of them his adoration for me. “You’re welcome… Squirt.”

  Raffe’s new size was an advantage for the both of us, I had to admit, as it not only made him stronger – and thus more helpful at spotting me – it challenged me to push myself harder. I was doing better than ever before with our workout sessions, and managed to stay ahead of Raffe for two years. He hadn’t had another growth spurt since summer camp, and for a while I was worried he was going to be a runt like me.

  I shouldn’t have worried, because a month after his thirteenth birthday Raffe had a massive growth spurt, gaining what seemed to be an inch a day until he was as tall as our dad, which gave him a four foot advantage on my height. During that growth spurt he hit the weights with a frightening ferocity, and our dad had to buy new weights to accommodate Raffe’s increasing strength, which outclassed mine finally. It was for that very reason I tried to quit our workout sessions, but Raffe tried to argue with me to stick with them.

  “Why’re you trying to quit, big bro?” The hurt in his voice when I announced I didn’t want to work out with him anyone made me wince. Underneath all that bulk was still the little brother who thought he couldn’t be allowed to be bigger than his older brother.

  “Squirt, you need to use heavier weights,” I said, gesturing at our old weight bench. “You can curl all these old weights with one hand, and do you remember what you said when you actually did?”

  “I don’t remember,” Raffe couldn’t make eye contact with me when he replied. He knew exactly what he said, and he and I both knew this.

  “You’re a bad liar, Raffe. Look at me,” I said, and he did as he was told, acting as if he was caught stealing from the cookie jar. “You said ‘It’s too light for a decent workout’.”

  Raffe tried to look away again, but I wouldn’t have any of that. “Don’t you look away from me, Squirt,” I said, and he returned his gaze to me. I could see the admiration and respect in his eyes, but I also saw the briefest flash of annoyance, as if a part of him wondered why he was taking orders from me, who was smaller than him… and now weaker. “And don’t you ever give me that look.”

  Raffe flinched as if I’d slapped him across the face. “I didn’t… what look?”

  “That annoyed look.”

  “I didn’t—“

  “Don’t lie to me, Raffe. For a second you were wondering why you should listen to me, but don’t feel bad, Squirt. You don’t mean to make me feel insignificant. Hell, I knew from the first time you wanted to work out with me that this would happen, that you’d one day pass me by.”

  “Then why’d you let me start working out with you, Gir?”

  I looked at the weight bench, feeling suddenly wistful. “Because I’ve loved you since the day you were born, Raffe. You’ve been more than just my brother; you’ve been my best friend.” I looked up at him, grinning. “And because of you I can curl all that weight for at least one rep. You’ve been a great workout partner.”

  “And you’ve been great too,” Raffe said. “That’s why I don’t want you to quit.”

  “You’re getting too strong for me to spot you, Raffe.”

  “I can still spot you, though. I’ll even do light weights for max reps,” Raffe said, crouching down so he was looking up at me with a pleading expression. “Dude, please don’t quit on me. I need you. I’m still just a kid. I’ve seen kids at school who don’t have authority figures in their life, and I don’t want that.”

  That intrigued me. So he saw this coming, too… “How long have you been expecting me to quit on you?”

  “Ever since I came home from summer camp, big bro. Then again a couple months ago.”

  Now it was my turn to look away, but then Raffe cupped my chin to gently turn my gaze back to his own. “Don’t look away from me, big bro.”

  “Sorry, Squirt. I felt a bit guilty there for a moment.”

  “I don’t want you to feel insignificant around me, Gir.”

  “Raffe, I know you don’t, but you can’t help the way I feel.”

  That silenced him, and I saw the hurt in his eyes. It was the kind of hurt you feel when you lose something you have in common with someone you love. I sighed, shaking my head. “All right, Raffe. You win. I’m not going to quit.”

  Raffe’s face brightened instantly and he hugged me in a powerful embrace. “Thanks, big bro! I’ll make you proud of me.”

  “Just don’t expect those puppy dog eyes to work on me all the time, Squirt,” I said, hugging as much of him as I could.

  “I’ll bribe you with ice cream next time I want to have my way. Speaking of which, do you want some?”

  Now it was my turn to grin. “Who taught you to be so sneaky? And yeah, I’d love some.”

  Raffe winked at me as he stood up. “One guess.”

  I didn’t know until that moment, when I tried to quit working out with Raffe, just how much he looked up to me – even though he loomed over me physically. Maybe I would've noticed if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own emotional baggage. Then again, I was also still a teenager, and they all live in their own little worlds, know what I mean?

  Raffe kept his promise, but even with the light weights for max reps he was still moving out of my league, just at a slower rate. For example: Once, when I was sixteen and just got my driver’s license, I tried to invite Raffe to the movies, but I couldn’t find him. I didn’t mind going by myself, so I got in the car, cranked up the stereo full blast after I started up the engine, put on my sunglasses, and pressed the accelerator to slowly ease out of the driveway. Only the car wasn’t moving; I could hear the engine revving, but nothi
ng happened, even when I gave it a little more gas.

  It was then I noticed Raffe in the rear view mirror. He was the reason I wasn’t moving forward, as he was holding up the bumper of the car, the tires spinning a few inches in the air above the driveway. I took my foot off the accelerator and put it in park as Raffe got into the passenger side of the car. He looked a bit winded as he spoke. “Dude, sorry about that, but mom told me you were going to the movies. I almost didn’t catch you.”

  “Good thing I’m such a good workout partner, huh?” I said as I pulled out of the driveway, trying to cover the envy in my voice. The car was a huge beast built for giraffes, and it was heavy. I could lift it for about a second, so I was jealous that Raffe could hold it up for so long. I’m ashamed to admit it was one reason that I went to a college which was out of state. Raffe had grown another couple of feet by the time I graduated, making him a towering fourteen feet tall. He had also gotten much stronger than me as well, but to this day I still don’t know just how much stronger because Raffe always holds back whenever I’m around. I could still tell he really didn’t need me to spot for him during the last couple of workouts because it had gotten to the point that I was struggling to spot for him, and at one point I didn’t even try. He was still able to crank out the reps without a single problem, and he didn’t notice I wasn’t spotting him. He even said it was our best workout ever.

  When it was time for